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Erika E Profile
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Registered: 10-2003
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Credit Crunch Tips.


CREDIT CRUNCH TIPS!!!!

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune
and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you
like and hum that instead..

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity
stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old
bank statements.

HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply
moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing
your name to match your existing plate. - Mr.. KVL 741Y,

DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the
object you wish to view.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking
around wearing a miner's hat.

HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the
price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in
your coat pocket..

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross
out the names and address of people you don't know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning
you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of
washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam/ charity shops, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten
minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the
benefit.

WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips
from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a
window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway
and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards. emoticon

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3/10/2009, 12:32 pm Link to post  
 
susanababy Profile
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Running Smooth

Registered: 05-2005
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


 emoticon emoticon emoticon I'd rather fake then hoover emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking..

3/10/2009, 1:11 pm Link to post PM susanababy Yahoo
 
Erika E Profile
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


There were a couple more in this post, but I was too emoticon and took them out. emoticon

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3/10/2009, 1:46 pm Link to post  
 
susanababy Profile
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


 emoticon ahhh now your gonna have to pm me the emoticon ones emoticon

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Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking..

3/10/2009, 2:30 pm Link to post PM susanababy Yahoo
 
Queenyforever Profile
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


I personally like the "drinking and simulating a hangover" one! emoticon

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“Freedom and democracy are dreams you never give up.”

3/10/2009, 3:56 pm Link to post Email Queenyforever   PM Queenyforever Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Registered: 11-2005
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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3/11/2009, 12:35 am Link to post Email Lesigner Girl   PM Lesigner Girl Blog
 
Erika E Profile
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


SMART ARSE ANSWERS 2008

6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket - not your stub.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

And said to the driver,

'Got stuck, eh?'

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008


A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'


A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,


'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,


'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
 emoticon

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3/16/2009, 11:58 am Link to post  
 
Queenyforever Profile
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Location: Just north of the clouds...
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


Love the smart arsed ones!! emoticon
But of course I would! emoticon


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“Freedom and democracy are dreams you never give up.”

3/16/2009, 8:48 pm Link to post Email Queenyforever   PM Queenyforever Blog
 
Erika E Profile
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


A note from a compassionate, loving and caring Aussie husband...

LOOK AFTER YOUR WIFE....

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me, "You lazy p*! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your fat arse and give her a break!"

I thought 'S* women!' Took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunnies, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms to sod off and mind her own business. I told her my wife had green fingers and that she really enjoyed gardening.

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my senstive side. I'm really proud of the deal I got and also very proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys, we should take good care of our wives... then maybe they'll take good care of us.

I've attached a picture below....hope it comes through OK


Image
 
I KNOW…I'M TOO BLOODY SOFT WITH HER. SHE'LL PROBABLY WANT GEARS ON IT NEXT!!
 
 
 
 
 
 


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3/17/2009, 3:28 pm Link to post  
 
Queenyforever Profile
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A Posting Machine

Registered: 01-2007
Location: Just north of the clouds...
Posts: 3787
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Re: Credit Crunch Tips.


Gee, he's all heart.. emoticon

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“Freedom and democracy are dreams you never give up.”

3/17/2009, 9:26 pm Link to post Email Queenyforever   PM Queenyforever Blog
 


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